A Quiet Day at Home

by David Schock

"Did you have to rip his arms off?" he asked as he continued to work. "It was his own fault for stopping me from leaving," she replied with a snarl. "After all these years, you should know by now that I take orders from no man, most of all a mechanical one!" There was a moment of silence before she growled, "And that goes for his so called Man of Steel master as well!" The object of her wrath simply shook his head and wisely kept silent as he continued to work. He used no tools simply because he needed none. Powerful fingers tightened and loosened bolts. Finger nails stronger then steel acted as screw driver blades and thin beams of concentrated heat flashed from his eyes to weld the jagged ends of broken metal together. Finished he pressed a series of buttons and the small legless robot came to life. The small automaton floated some two feet above the floor as lights continued to blink and the sounds in a series of boops and beeps erupted from the small droid. "How are you feeling now kel-ex ?" he asked. "One moment please.....rebooting." A few moments later the small droid reported. "Systems functional but power levels are low, Lord Kal-El." "Well, you go rest and recharge, my little friend. We won't be needing you the rest of the day." The small robot began to float away when a woman's voice stopped him, "Kel-ex." "Yes mistress?" he asked as he stopped some five feet away. "I'm sorry," she told him in a voice filled with affection mixed with regret. Kel-ex floated over to his mistress and replied, "No need to offer regrets just Plain Daina. The master has  explained to this one about just Plain Diana's condition and the emotional problems such a condition causes." Her eyes narrowed and her face turned red with anger as she looked over at her long time lover now husband and said, "Did he now?" He tried to shrink his large frame into the sofa as he mumbled to himself, "I knew it was a mistake to rehook his voice box!" In a sweet gentile voice the Amazon Princess told the small droid, "Thank you, Kel-ex, you have as always been a friend and most loyal and faithful servant!" "It is both my duty and pleasure to serve the House of El, Mistress Diana." With a final respectful bow to his mistress Kel-ex floated away to re-charge. Soon as he was gone Diana, known to the world as Wonder Woman, turned to the man she loved, at least on good days and in a hard low voice said, "So you are the one who ordered Kel-ex to stop me from leaving the Fortress!" "I did not order him to stop you from leaving the Fortress. While I was gone I ordered him to prevent my pregnant wife from flying back to the States and getting into a punch out with Giganta." "Giganta was stomping her way around Boston. She is one of my old foe's and Boston was my first home when I left home and entered Man's World. It was my duty." "Not in your Condi..." Clark caught himself, knowing full well how much his love hated it. "Don't you dare say it," she snapped back. "Condtion, Condtion, Contdtion There I said it, " he replied. "You're in the ninth month of a year long pregnancy and not in any condition to have it out with a twenty foot tall crazy woman!" "But Giganta is.." "Is nothing," he cut her off. "You know full well that Big Barda and Scott have moved back home to New England. She is more than able to deal with that over size Bimbo!" "And did she?" "You know better then to ask. Giganta may have twelve feet on Barda. But she soon cut her down to size!" "Well if you're so impressed with Big Barda, why don't you move into that over sized cow's bed?" She regretted what she had called one of her oldest friends almost before the words left her lips. "First of all, it would be too crowded with Scott in bed with us. Beside it is my burden in life to fall in love and marry bad tempered women. First Lois and now you, Princess!" Wonder Woman suddenly had the tiniest of smiles on her face but it was quickly gone when she complained, "You told Kel-ex I have emotional problems." "No, I said hormone problems." "That's worse!" she complained. "But is it true?" he quickly asked. She stood up, the ancient sword she was polishing falling to the Fortress floor. "I hate you," she told him. "That's all right, I love you enough for the both of us!" For a moment she was torn between kissing him and cutting his throat, she did neither. Instead she tried to bend over and pick up the ancient weapon at her feet. She tried bending over but the large swell of her belly prevented that. Squating as well was no help to her. Even when she leaned on the sofa and balanced herself on one foot. The swell of her belly did not allow her to pick up the weapon forged by the God Hephestaus himself. Clark Kent stood up and said, "I'll get it." "Don't you dare touch it," she snarled in response. Once again she tried bending over and once again she failed. In frustration she clinched her fists and raising her face upward wailed,"I am the daughter of Hippolyta, queen of the Amazons. The chosen champion of the Goddess Athena herself and I can not even touch my toes!" In a small voice filled with emotion she said, "Hold me." He did just that and continued to do so even when Diana pushed them both back down on the sofa and announced, "You and that spit curl of yours did this to me." He kissed her forhead before telling her, "That's strange I thought we both had a hand in it!" "How do I know you didn't shoot some strange alien pheromone up my nose so I would fall in love with you?" she asked. "No, no. The spit curl and skin tight suit made you fall in love with me. The strange alien pheromone just makes you horny!" The slightest of smiles crossed her lips but that would not stop her from continuing the argument. It was something else that did that. Suddenly Diana's eyes grew large and a look of shock crossed her face. Concerned, her husband in a fearful voice asked, "Diana what's wrong is it the baby all right?" For an answer she took his huge hand into hers and lifting her tunic, placed his palm on her swollen belly. He felt the baby kick and laughed in response. The face before him softened and smiled back. Inviting his lips to hers. "Maybe she doesn't like the sounds of her parents fighting?" he remarked. After a moment of bliss she told him,"Well he will just have to get used to it," she pointed out just before going back to kissing him. This went on for a good five minutes before the Amazon princess broke free and brushing aside her man's spit curl said, "It really is a sexy spit curl and those pheromones seem to really work." "There really isn't any such thing, " he reminded her. "Then why Me so horny," she teased. "Diana!" he protested. "Oh don't be so much the prude. You know the doctor said sex is good for me up untill thew last month. Beside if you so worried I can be bottom rail on top. It won't be as much fun for me. But it's better then no sex at all!" He stood up with her in his arms and slowly began carrying her to their marriage bed. "You wicked wicked little girl you!" "That's woman to you!"